Talking with a young friend struggling with her parents, reminded me of the chaos I grew up in. The pain of a critical mom with cold mother syndrome, most often leaves a daughter in despair, feeling worthless. It can be a crazy cycle of perfectionism, over achieving
people pleasing and an out of control eating disorder.
I said yes to pretty much everyone and everything except myself. It is ironic that what
hurt so much growing up, hearing the answer “No” to everything first, is exactly what I needed to say!
I can pause and say, “Let me get back to you on that.” Taking a moment to breathe and look at my always full calendar, gives me the time and strength to say no thank you, when saying yes just
won’t work for me.
Relationships take work, it is not easy. It is a process. Her and I came to the same conclusion. We both want to have deep loving positive relationships, especially with our parents.
One of the things I teach families I work with when they argue often or are disconnected, I call the GMS method . GMS stands for “Give Me a Sign”. It takes practice. Families aren’t perfect and mistakes will be made. Improvement not perfection is the goal. Anytime any one of the family is having a disagreement
and one of them feels like it is getting out of control or moving in the wrong direction, the sign is shared and/or a word is said out loud…
For example, if someone in the family touches their chin with their pointer finger,
it means “Stop”. Another family used the word “butter” – and usually, a negative situation turned into laughter that dissolved the anger and exposed the real issue. People tend to talk around the real issue. In a yelling battle the words said are most likely Not about the real root of the problem. When we talk about the deep belief or value we can understand each other better. We are more likely to sole the problem when we understand better.
If I can help in creating a house of harmony I want to be there for my friend.
She deserves it! Her parents, her siblings and she deserve love and kindness. I encourage you and myself to treat each member of our family like a VIP (very important person) because each one is.
Everyone is a VIP, including YOU!
Love yourself, love your Mom and Dad,
love your brothers and sisters and practice
kindness in your thoughts, in your words and in you actions.
You change your life when you change a daily action!
Now go be Majestic!